The Secret Diary of KRK – New Year Resolutions 2012!

Dear Diary, Jay Mata Di!

Today my brain is confusing with my heart. My heart part is happyfull because I will be watching Mallika Sherawatji make jalebis on 31st night. But my brain is throwing tears because some mexican kaamwali bai MAYA has told, that the world will end in 2012. Who the hell is she #2RsPeople to talk like that???!!!

Bejan Daruwala is the only real Nostrildamus, and he predicts that if I add a few more ‘aa’s and ‘kk’s to my name then Kkkkamaaal R Kkhaan will live till 3012. Then I will be the ‘I am Legend’ like Willy Smith and rule dharti ma alone!

 And like all of you my 1000s of 100s of fans, I declare my new year resolutions for 2012. Please add to Constitution of India or I will go on anshan.

  • I will enter the Bigg Boss house from the backdoor and sign Sunny Leone for Deshdrohi 3 before Bhatt saab makes aatank in her brain with his fast-talk. This is my Current Location today full day for writing the script. I am here so do not try too hard to find me. The story will be very complex with Leone in a Loin cloths playing the role of Gandhi and I will play Nathuram Godse, the deshdrohi. 
  • I met that comedian Russel Peters at Canada airport and he is always in such a comedic mood. But that day, he was seriously looking into my eyes and telling me to take up Steve Jobs job after his death. I am thinking yes, because I am also innoventor like him and have so many ideas for new technological products like iKiss and iCrapblock.
  • I will help Kokilabenji for making out with my 2 best friends, Anil and Mukesh who are fighting like the Suresh and Ramesh in Cadbury 5 star ad.She followed my strategy direction to make dhoklas and fafdas for them and make them play dandia in their Chorwad village.
  • I will get a 20 year old girlfriend in Egypt and go with her to Tahrir square to give hugs and kisses to the soldiers and the muslim brotherhood party. We will bring new revolutions and take Annaji to do fasting there because this MMRDA walas are charging so much rentals.
  • My strong kasam is to crapblock atleast 100s of peoples in 2012, especially like Sherlyn Chopra and Yana Gupta, who don’t open their doors whenever I want to enter. I tell they have nice, new black cars and ringing on their bell, but still!
  • I want to give blessings and my acting talents to Beti B because both her parents are not acting that very good. Btw, the style the Bacchan families is increasing, one day all Bs in the alphabet will finish. Beti B will also be liking her mother only. Abhishek very funnily told me if Beti B liking her, then she will have beard and all that stuff, haha.
  • In 2012, I will coach Dhoni and co and fix up test matches against Denmark and Germany, so that winning against gora public on their home grounds does not remain a sapna in sapna like that Inception movie.
  • Russians, beware as I am bringing my Expandable army to your country to crush your balls. How dare you say anything for Geeta. Bhajji will slap you toh kya if he’s stopped dating Ms. Basra. Dharam uncle is also looking to drink some blood for long time – Hemaji is both Seeta and Geeta for her. But then he might not have dates till 2013, as they have signed him as a vampire for that Twinkle twinkle ‘Twilight’ing movies.

So now let me leave you darlings with my final philosophical quote for 2011.

Hoton se choo lo tum, mere lips Garam karr do, Tum haar ke Dimaag apna, mera blog amar kardo – SANT KAMAAL R KAHN


3 Responses

  1. Hahaha very nice

  2. U proved it again brother…. lulzzz. I read it thrice n found it equally funny n enjoyble… keep it up.. waitn fr more…..

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