The Secret Diary of KRK – Dec, 2012!

Dear Diary,

Jay mata di!

– I’m feeling very electric this week, especially since Walt Disney have signed me up as the next Bond! Saala, that Daniel Craig looks like Ashok  Kumar, old from the day he was born (Curious case of Jenson Button, I say)

So, Disney uncle said that the next 007 movie to be shot in Bhojpur, will be called Nightfall. Bu yaar, I want to bring India into the Atlas map so I put my foot down. It will be called “Jab tak hain Khan: Deshdrohi -007. That will also be my dadication to Yash uncle’s legacy and lingerie.

Nightfall: Deshdrohi 007…Coming to your nearest chaiwalla stalls in 2013.

– My heart cried out loudly yesterday, like those Ganpati mandal speakers. Only to be drowned down by Latadi’s even bigger cry. Final kisses and goodbye to my favoritest peepals – Shri Ashtavinayak Balasaheb Thackersey. Now, who will manage to stop the incoming of the excess Bhelpuri/Samose walas into Mumbai, when I am dieting.

– Hey, by the way Maya Memsaab called me from Mexico, that she’s postponed the end of the world to 12th Dec, 2112 now…Shaani, wants to have hugs and kisses from me for another century..*deep sigh sigh*… So, please adjust your Mayan calendars, the world is no longer ending – Iodex malo, kaam pe chalo.

– I was in Washington CD last month – yaar, that Obama and Romney forgot to mention who was in Congress, and who in BJP. Foolish people fought an entire election without naming their correct political affillation. Anyways, I kissed Obama, before the votes were counted, so he won. As the great poet Tulsidas once mentioned – “A kiss in time, saves nine”

– Yaar, when will this Sachin fellow retire yaar – The English team was watching B R Chopra’s Mahabharata the other day and started comparing Tendlya to Bhishma Petaamaha. Their grandfathers also played against him in the 1967 series. Even Poonam Pandey has decided not to strip, in aadar of dadaji batting in the side.

– This week, I’ve decided to crap-block the #2Rs Ajay Devgan. First of all, he doesn’t even know how to spell his own surname, and then he talks about the industrywallahs being illogical. How can he mock ManmohanSinghji and his non-existent Son of Sardar?!

– Finally, I’ve decided to make a special appearance into the Big Boss house as a wild dog entry. Hrijesh Virjee should know he’s not Hrishikesh Mukherjee to be so confused about whether to keep or remove his moustache. Also, Sapna needs me to tattoo the remaining barren lands of her body – her fingers, that is. I’ve also solved the Rubik’s cube puzzle on why is Big Boss 6 called Alag Chhe. When Salmanbhai mentioned it yesterday, an electronic brainwave tolled me that it’s 6 Gujjus huddled into one bed, sharing khakras and dhoklas. Hence, Alag CHHE!

Phew, I’m tired now – my brain is paining with all this Stephen Hawking type theorings. More later in my 2013 new year resolutions, till then let me sign-off, as usual with a few words from my favorite lyricswalla – P. K. Mishra (he wrote this while drunk on Sake in a South Korean bar), and which has become a Youtube bacterial video today.

Open Gangnam star, oh sexy lady…Ops, oops, aah…


Are you a King?

“He is a King who fears nothing, He is a king who desires nothing….” – Seneca

19th Aug, 2012 – Masai Mara Wildlife Safari – Kenya

Though it’s only 8:30 in the morning, the sun scorches our skin, through the semi-open roof of the van.

As we meander through the sea of wildebeest dotting the horizon, we hear a clamor in the adjoining bush. The guide takes us closer to the 10-15 vans bursting at the seams with eager, excited tourists clicking snaps and vying for HIS attention.

He is not the fastest, largest or for that matter even the strongest of ’em all. But that day, I realized why we humans have anointed HIM as the king of the jungle. With a slight shake of the thick, light-brown mane, Leo gets up from besides his girlfriend and looks up lazily at his food in the other direction. He nuzzles her below the ear to get up and hunt down their weekly meal.

Just before the romp!

All of us wait with bated breath, anticipating a kill today. He takes a short stroll towards a vehicle and looks at all of us. A yawn and attention redirected back to his still half-asleep girlfriend, confirms the fact that he doesn’t really care about our presence.

He nudges her one last time, to be only given a bite and roar in retaliation. So what does Leo do, now that he’s being royally ignored by his beastial-half?

He lazily walks behind her and ever so nonchalantly mounts from behind and gives her a quickie, right in front of the 100 humans who could potentially be his predators, as well as 1000s of his potential prey lurking in the background.

That is probably one unique quality of lions, which set them apart from fellow competitors. Though they might roam around in prides, they are least bothered by their surroundings. The august look and lazy demeanor is accompanied by an equally regal walk and a definite disdain for his subjects!

A tiger is stronger, cheetah faster and elephant larger, but for me as well as billions of fellow homo sapiens, Panthera Leo was, is and will remain king, nay ‘Emperor of the jungle’

Walk like a King, and see who dare treats you any different!