The Secret Diary of KRK – Dec, 2012!

Dear Diary,

Jay mata di!

– I’m feeling very electric this week, especially since Walt Disney have signed me up as the next Bond! Saala, that Daniel Craig looks like Ashok  Kumar, old from the day he was born (Curious case of Jenson Button, I say)

So, Disney uncle said that the next 007 movie to be shot in Bhojpur, will be called Nightfall. Bu yaar, I want to bring India into the Atlas map so I put my foot down. It will be called “Jab tak hain Khan: Deshdrohi -007. That will also be my dadication to Yash uncle’s legacy and lingerie.

Nightfall: Deshdrohi 007…Coming to your nearest chaiwalla stalls in 2013.

– My heart cried out loudly yesterday, like those Ganpati mandal speakers. Only to be drowned down by Latadi’s even bigger cry. Final kisses and goodbye to my favoritest peepals – Shri Ashtavinayak Balasaheb Thackersey. Now, who will manage to stop the incoming of the excess Bhelpuri/Samose walas into Mumbai, when I am dieting.

– Hey, by the way Maya Memsaab called me from Mexico, that she’s postponed the end of the world to 12th Dec, 2112 now…Shaani, wants to have hugs and kisses from me for another century..*deep sigh sigh*… So, please adjust your Mayan calendars, the world is no longer ending – Iodex malo, kaam pe chalo.

– I was in Washington CD last month – yaar, that Obama and Romney forgot to mention who was in Congress, and who in BJP. Foolish people fought an entire election without naming their correct political affillation. Anyways, I kissed Obama, before the votes were counted, so he won. As the great poet Tulsidas once mentioned – “A kiss in time, saves nine”

– Yaar, when will this Sachin fellow retire yaar – The English team was watching B R Chopra’s Mahabharata the other day and started comparing Tendlya to Bhishma Petaamaha. Their grandfathers also played against him in the 1967 series. Even Poonam Pandey has decided not to strip, in aadar of dadaji batting in the side.

– This week, I’ve decided to crap-block the #2Rs Ajay Devgan. First of all, he doesn’t even know how to spell his own surname, and then he talks about the industrywallahs being illogical. How can he mock ManmohanSinghji and his non-existent Son of Sardar?!

– Finally, I’ve decided to make a special appearance into the Big Boss house as a wild dog entry. Hrijesh Virjee should know he’s not Hrishikesh Mukherjee to be so confused about whether to keep or remove his moustache. Also, Sapna needs me to tattoo the remaining barren lands of her body – her fingers, that is. I’ve also solved the Rubik’s cube puzzle on why is Big Boss 6 called Alag Chhe. When Salmanbhai mentioned it yesterday, an electronic brainwave tolled me that it’s 6 Gujjus huddled into one bed, sharing khakras and dhoklas. Hence, Alag CHHE!

Phew, I’m tired now – my brain is paining with all this Stephen Hawking type theorings. More later in my 2013 new year resolutions, till then let me sign-off, as usual with a few words from my favorite lyricswalla – P. K. Mishra (he wrote this while drunk on Sake in a South Korean bar), and which has become a Youtube bacterial video today.

Open Gangnam star, oh sexy lady…Ops, oops, aah…


One Response

  1. Reblogged this on theslumdawg.

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