Top 10 successful desi disasters of 2011

Like every Tom, *ick and Harry, here’s my top 10 list for 2011… Ironic as it may sound, these successes actually ought to have been disasters due to their average nature… But as they say, this happens only in India!!!

1) Kolaveri Di
Like his super-average and super-successful father-in-law (Rajni), Dhanush rocked the fag end of 2011 with a song that has taken the iWorld by storm. Absolutely random lyrics and a common south Indian tune, but didn’t we all just love it!

2) Team Anna

He fasted every other week as if foodgrains were going out of fashion. And people like Kejriwal, Agnivesh Swami and Kiran Bedi threw their tummy-filled weight around him. Don’t know whether it’s their unconstitutional, blackmailing tricks which irk me more or the constant tumbling of skeletons from their cupboards. A cynic like me thinks that Team Anna and their pyrotechnics won’t make an eventual difference to our innate corrupt, social fabric.

3) Praveen Kumar & team India

The military medium Praveen Kumar wouldn’t be able to even bowl out Geoffrey Boycott’s mother-in-law... But he was the best we had to offer in England. No. 1 was just a sleight of hand as far as Tests was concerned, since we hadn’t won a single overseas series in either England, Australia or South Africa in the past decade.

4) Bodyguard & Sallu

The Rajnikanth of Bollywood sleepwalks and whistles through every role with one signature pelvic thrust and the movie breaks every conceivable record. Same dialogues, walk, sunglasses and beer belly, this star is slowly going the inane Govinda and Askhay Kumar routes.

5) Poonam Pandey

The great Neha Dhupia once famously said that in India only 2 things sell – sex and SRK… Poonam Pandey latched onto this gospel and ensured that she shot a video while using Lux bodywash and the rest, as they say is history. She also utilized our cricket mania in copying what the Paraguyan model (Larissa Riquelme) had done with Soccer in FIFA 2010.

6) Ra.One and SRK

Yes, he still sells but the nadir was reached in this puke-inducing movie, wherein SRK blew up the money in SFX but forgot to hire a writer and director. And a marketing campaign devised to sell, sell, sell and eventually kill, I nearly expected to see  SRK in my bathroom mirror, promoting his movie. (Btw, just as an aside it would be a tough job, selecting between the devil and deep blue sea – Mani Ratnam’s Ravan vs Ra.One)

7) Bigg Boss 5

Sheepishly, I have to admit that I love to watch Bigg Boss every single day. But that doesn’t exonerate the fact that we’ve got addicted to poor quality content and poorer hosts (Sanju Baba). Reality Voyeurism at it’s worst takes the TRP cake.

8) Bhatts/Mohit Suri/Emraan Hashmi

Beats me how year on year this troika, manages to throw erotic B-class murder thrillers at us with remarkable success. One off-topic question, how does Emran Hashmi manage to smooch like a vaccuum cleaner – he hardly seems to have any lips under the stubble?

9) Sajid Khan

He’s in this list only on the basis of a personal grudge. This podgy, irritating character out of all 3.5 odd billion males around, managed to flick away the most ravishing pair of legs ever to walk on planet earth – Jaqueline Fernandes.

10) Please let me know which worthy contender have I missed out?