Mid Life Magic!

Sitting alone in a Singapore studio on Saturday morning throws up some questions!

I always wanted a sabbatical when I’d approach the oft-quoted notional number 40 – so voila I lost my job just before the 40th…. A decade back, I kept wanting to be in Singapore so here I am, ploughing through 5 years – part of which was spent nursing my depression and trying to jump off rooftops…. I wanted a beautiful, family life or none – so a divorce happened towards the none…

So, mid life is rearing it’s funny head and tearing away at whatever identity has been built in my conscious and unconscious mind as well as society’s.

Fit, Coupled, Sr. Director – losing one label at a time is creating an identity crisis or rather fear of the unknown… No future variables are defined…

But here comes the magic…. I also get the freedom – of not wanting. But of being. Being in the zone, in the flow of the present and moving, exploring life. It’s tough to shift the mind so used to planning the future… But mid-life is trying to show me and many of us the magic of life in its present.

Loss is inevitable and we have to shed one thing as we approach the final eventuality – jobs, partners, youth, health – all the things we want and hold to will go…

So time to loosen the grip, pick up the rucksack and explore the magic of midlife- of freedom, wisdom and life!

The dark clouds have just shifted a bit….

One little ray of sunshine has peeped through since yesterday afternoon….

That’s all I need to motivate myself to hold off taking medication.

– A talk with the counselor

– A swim after a year on the insistence of a kind neighbour and friend lifted me up

– Water and acceptance by the friend just moved me a bit further into positivity mode

– Nearly 2 months now and Mr. Sleep thinks 3 hours is enough but ahoy boy u bloody 1-3 am wake up time adds to the agony

– But today is a new day

– A small win is a win nonetheless

– This peep of sunshine will grow into a bright day one day

Hang on buddy. This too shall pass on you’re on your path to life again…

One step at a time…

One breathe at a time,

One word at a time,

One step at a time,

If I’m moving, I’m alive.

If I’m alive, depression has to die.

You’re not alone, my friend.

I hear you. I see you. I see your pain.

The pain is going to die. The depression is going to die.

Just promise to put that one foot out of the door. Share just one word with a friend. Breathe in the air below that tree.

One breathe at a time,

One word at a time,

One step at a time,

If you’re moving, you are alive.

If you are alive, depression has to die.

 

Joy…Depression….Death – Robin Williams!

Wonder what pains were hidden behind that smiling visage!

Williams’ suicide raises that age-old question of what constitutes real happiness?

Sad that one who gave so much joy to others could go through chronic depression and a sad death.

Proof yet again that fame, money and success doesn’t guarantee lifelong bliss.

Time to stop, breathe and think what’s important….

Resolutions? Nah – Habits, 2014

Week one gone….Whilst many of your resolutions may have crumbled, I’ve not even started baking mine. Lazy bones, blood and muscles were bundled together by the nurse 3 decades back & handed over to my mom.

Anyways, the word Resolution is like Mt.  Everest – surmounted by only a few dedicated Norgays or Hillarys …so no more gargantuan promises like acquiring a shredded torso or writing a novel.

KISS.

3 simple habits to follow:
– Write a paragraph daily, even if for self consumption
– Exercise daily, even if only a 10 min walk
– Read a book daily, even if just a page

Results will follow if they have to…So, I make a resolution 😦 to form these daily habits!

Laal Haraa Neela Peela…..

Spoiler Alert…3/5

Ram Leela is a flawed SLB painting on Shakespearan canvas.

Pick up the plot of Romeo-Juliet, add a dash of violent Gujju flavour, rehash Hum Dil De Chuke’s music, garnish with good actors playing unidimensional, crazy characters and voila… Your greasy gravy is ready.

The movie starts off with a kiss & bang, continues with bang bang and ends with a kiss bang bang bang….and that’s where the problem lies. There r no breathers, the star-crossed ‘lust’ers have no reason to fall in love or get separated or finally knock each other out. Nor do their pig-headed families!

Fantastic dialogues, cinematography and excellent acting by Ranveer, Deepika & the entire cast save the day…But the real surprise package is Supriya Pathak as Godmother….

SLB creates an energetic ambience in the first hour which becomes tedious because of random plot movements, dozen songs and thousand gunshots…

Go watch it once if u liked Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Ishaqzaade or Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak. This one’s a medley of all 3.

The monk who bought back his Ferrari!

Wonder why spiritual robes are needed if d soul wants materialistic salvation?
Check out the iphone in his hand….

phata poster nikla ZERO!

Aryabhatta invented Shahid Kapoor centuries ago, Rajkumar Santoshi reinvents him this Friday.

The director’s comedies are getting formulaic with every outing.

(A)naath heroine + (B)uffoon hero – (C)aricaturish villain = (D)umb paper-thin plot.

A can be a Raveena, Katrina or Ileana. And you can replace B with Salman, Ranbir or Shahid to get the 3 comedies.

In PPNH, Shahid is his average self and Dcruz looks like a dream & dubs like a nightmare. Wish Saurabh Shukla as the don had a meatier role – miss Teja from 20 years back. Salman and Nargis Fakhri’s 3D lips in a guest appearance are highlights of the movie.

Laugh-out loud moments (Santoshi’s quirky dialogues) are few & far between. The 2nd half suddenly becomes an emotional drama & the screenplay, especially the mother-son angle is so 80s. The music is boring and so is the action.

Give this one a skip, rent Andaz Apna Apna & relive the original ‘Hai Laas’ and ‘Ooi Maas’!

Sleepwalking through Life…

As I stood below the office having a cup of coffee, taking a break from playing emails, noticed the frenetic traffic around. (even at 2 pm in the afternoon)

Everybody seems to be in a mindless state of motion. We want to reach from A to B, whether it be physically, financially or emotionally. Short-term or mid-term goals is what drives us. But, once we reach the goal – the next promotion/ marriage/ buying the first home, the euphoria dies down almost instanteously. The achievement is replaced by the next ‘bigger’ and ‘better’ goal. Progress or materialistic evolution as Darwin would’ve termed it.

Hmm, kinda explains how life is just a journey without a fixed destination – quite a rocky one must say…Awaiting for a cold, fresh brook to wash my face in.

Although paradoxically different, both western and eastern life philosophies can be seen as Newton’s law of inertia…
Western: MOVE – KEEP MOVING, Set life goals and strive to achieve them
Eastern: STAY STILL – JUST BE, every desire is just a manifesto of evil

The boss shouts out for a work checklist, and back to ground realities.
Excel, word, powerpoint = Tandoori chicken, petrol and the next vacation to the Arctic

Resolutions – The Happiness Paradox…

Every Dec-end, the world celebrates the myth that a new year beckons & the 1st of January with it’s magic wand will wipe away the stresses of life.

So to motivate this magician called Jan, we prop it with artificial limbs called resolutions.
Lose weight, gain gf, lose spouse, have more sex and many other random wishes float in the air for a while….But eventually it ends up being just another binge eat & drink session one night, followed by a diet which probably lasts a week & a half.

And these so-called resolutions, if they ever get completed through are supposed to make us HAPPY.
Which brings me to the 2 moot questions of life!
1) What is happiness?
2) Is it our natural state?

For me, humans seem to live in a permanent state of dissatisfaction with temporal spikes of joy or ecstasy, which they term as happiness. So my resolution for 2013 is to try to gain some peace if not the ever-elusive oasis pictured below…